Yellowt's Blog

February 6, 2012

I’m Sorry

I’m sorry I didn’t spend more time with you when you were in NH with us a couple of summers back

I’m sorry I didn’t call you more frequently when I was in the states

I’m sorry I didn’t talk to you more when you were in the hospital. I didn’t know what to say to someone who I wasn’t sure could hear me

I’m sorry I spent more time with my dog than going down to Kaohsiung to see you. I thought you would always be there for some reason

I’m sorry I couldn’t do anything to ease your pain these last few weeks

I’m sorry I didn’t realize how much you mean to me until now

I’m sorry to see you go but at least you’ll be together with Yie Yie wherever you are. I miss you and I will see you again.

 

 

 

 

 

April 14, 2011

Restless

All day long and into the evening, my mind is unable to settle down. Since I’ve graduated college, I’ve rarely had a night of sleep where I don’t wake up at least once. The only place where I can get a good night’s sleep is in my bed at my parents’ home in NH and I am probably there for less than 2-3 weeks per year now. Maybe this is my profession slowly seeping into my personal life. While the details never overlap, it’s the practice of planning and anticipating the next move by having the foresight to see the end results – good or bad – that stays with me. As a result, I have a very difficult time being spontaneous and giving myself completely to the present. Some friends have called me high strung, anal or rigid but my contention is this:

1.)    every group needs at least one Type A personality to take charge and be the organizer

2.)    I find perpetual tardiness disrespectful; it wastes the time of everyone who actually do show up according to schedule and 80% of the time can be completely avoided

3.)    I’d much rather be laid back and go with the flow if there was a high probability that the outcome would be exactly how we predicted. I’m not saying that when I plan things, it always goes smoothly but in my mind, the probability is higher. In addition, there is always a Plan B ready.

Besides being mentally restless, I am physically restless. I think I became this way since junior high when we moved to NH. It never quite felt like home and I always envisioned myself in a diverse city like NYC. While I was at NYU, I was comfortable and didn’t want to leave up until 2 years out of college when I got the JTI job. I was presented with the opportunity to travel the world and ever since then, I’ve kind of been bitten by the travel bug.

Even though I’m not a huge believer in the horoscope, a Pisces trait that I do agree with is the longing for movement. I’ve come to a crossroads in my career where I can choose to stay in Taiwan or open myself up to the chance of starting over again in a 4^th location. After weighing my career growth opportunities and work/life balance in other parts of the world, I’ve decided to make peace with my restlessness and stay put here in Taiwan for at least the end of the year if not longer.

As Al Gore once said “A zebra does not change its spots” but maybe over time, I can slowly turn them into stripes.

February 3, 2011

On Flying

Most people hate the idea of getting on a plane. The tedious process starts a good 3-4 hours before take-off. From waking up incredibly early, figuring out transportation and praying that you don’t get stuck in traffic en route, to getting through the dreaded security line hoping that the person in front of you has remembered to take his/her laptop out of its’ case, it’s an exhausting ordeal. I admit, I used to be one of those people who would get incredibly anxious and not be able to sleep before a flight. But since I started traveling more frequently, I have somehow turned into a true airport/airplane lover. I know it sounds weird but once you get a routine down and continue to have a positive outlook, it makes the entire experience (dare I say) pleasant.  Here are some of my tips for a successful flight.

Check In: If possible, check your flight status and check-in beforehand. Most importantly, try not to go on an all night drinking binge and attempt to stay up before your flight. It’s never good when you miss you flight because you pass out at the last minute or make it but reek of alcohol and are nauseous to the point of throwing up.

Security: Always have a see through small baggy with the 3 oz. toiletries prepped before any trip. One less step in the packing process and it’s super easy to throw into your carry on if you ever need to freshen up on the plane. Make sure your laptop is in an easily accessible place so that it will take seconds to pull it out and put it in the bin. Be prepared to take off ALL your layers, belt, shoes, electronic devices before walking through security.  Nothing is more annoying  than standing behind someone who looks like they have no knowledge about any of the above even though there are signs plastered everywhere and is extra slow doing the aforementioned.

Waiting Time: Think of it as a nice downtime for window shopping or actual shopping. I love walking through all the boutiques (sometimes there are even sales) and Duty Free shops to buy last minute souvenirs, food or reading material for the plane ride. Nowadays, many airports have interesting art installations and if you’re lucky, you can catch an incredible sunrise or sunset. Instead of plopping your butt down in a chair surfing away on your iPhone, consider this all exercise before the long flight.  If you’re not a fan of airplane food, I would also suggest taking the time to load up on snacks or convenient meals. Lastly, don’t forget to use the restroom because who knows how long you’ll be sitting on the runway for.

Airplane Food: This is one of my strange predilections, but I love airplane food and have never met a meal that I didn’t like. I view every meal as a ‘surprise in a box’, a glorified TV dinner. Usually for international flights, you also get a local cuisine option. For the more particular eaters, you can also specify before check in whether or not you prefer a vegetarian or kosher meal instead. Those meals are served first so you don’t have to wait in anticipation for the cart to roll by wondering if they still have chicken left.

In-Flight Entertainment: Depending on how comfortable my seating situation is (I always prefer right side window so that I can lean against it) I spend most of my time sleeping. But if you are one of those who can’t sleep in planes, there is usually a variety of movies playing either on the screen in front of you or the big screen. If you are not satisfied with community entertainment, be sure to pack a laptop/iPad/dvd player/music device beforehand. A more archaic option is a book.  You’d be surprised on how productive you feel after getting through 3/4 of a book on a 14 hour plane ride.

Turbulence and Kids: Turbulence to me is like a little rollercoaster ride but you’re never sure when it’s going to end. I know it might sound morbid, but it’s also a time when I think about the important people in my life and who I would miss the most if I were ever to crash on a deserted island ala LOST. The mental turbulence aka Kids is a bit trickier for me to deal with. Sometimes you are really fortunate and they don’t make a peep throughout the entire flight, but usually this is not the case. To deal with this problem, I recommend putting on the headphones and cranking the volume as loud as you can to drown out the noise. Or you can nicely ask a flight attendant if there are other available seats on the plane and request to move. If all else fails, drink as much as possible and try to pass out for the remainder of the flight.

Keep calm and carry on.

December 13, 2010

As the end of 2010 quickly approaches, I start to mull over the New Year’s resolutions that I will be making in a few weeks and breaking at some point mid 2011 (this year’s was to drink more water) and reflect on the year that will soon pass. Overall, I would have to rate 2010 an 8 out of 10. Professionally, it was great learning about different aspects of the industry, meeting people from all over the world and feeling like I have contributed to part of the business. Personally, I’m a bit conflicted. On one hand, I feel that through my travels, my knowledge of the world and different cultures has expanded tenfold from the previous year. On the other hand, I’m not sure if I’m becoming more of the person I want to be or drifting farther away.

I don’t want to dwell on the past for too long but here is a list of my top 10 moments from 2010 in no particular order.

1.) Lying on an isolated beach in Porquerolles taking in the salty sea air and the breathtaking view of the Mediterranean Sea lost in my own thoughts

2.) The thrill of hearing Thomas Mars of Phoenix sing an extended version of ‘1901’ at the Montreux Jazz Festival, live music is an adrenaline rush every time.

3.) Breathing in the heavy humid polluted air in Taiwan the minute I stepped outside of Taoyuan Airport and accepting that my birthplace is now my new home for the next 8 months.

4.) The freedom and exhilaration that I experienced paragliding across Geneva; the lightness can become addicting.

5.) Ringing in the New Year with good friends while watching The Jersey Shore, far away from the noise of the city in Stratton, VT.

6.) The carefree spirit captured in a picture of Eliza and me treading water in Lake Geneva on a warm summer day over July 4^th weekend.

7.) Singing ‘Tiny Dancer’ along with the hundreds of other festival goers & Elton John at Rock in Rio Portugal under a glow of lighters and iridescent sticks.

8.) Getting so close to a pair of zebras on a safari in Pilanesberg that I could almost reach out and touch them.

9.) The peace that I felt watching the sun set and pink light disperse between the clouds from a Neihu temple high in the mountains.

10.) The sad realization that some friendships are irreparable and will never go back to the way things once were – “Nothing gold can stay”

November 23, 2010

“The lady doth protest too much”

That is my preface and fair warning. In the following paragraphs, my intention is not to sound obnoxious and ungrateful about the privileged life that I am leading but simply a commentary of my observations and true feelings.

From reading my blog alone, to the casual observer it may seem as if I’m always on vacation without a care in the world. For the most part, that is pretty accurate. Since I’ve started this journey across 3 continents, I have slowly adapted a part of each culture into my way of life. In Portugal, it was to indulge in the delicacies no matter what the calorie count was. Geneva was to stop and take in the scenery and a breath of fresh air because every view was a perfect postcard. South Africa was truly a test of “going with the flow” and not relying on technology for a week. Now that I’m in Asia, I haven’t figured out what it is I will take in yet.

While in Geneva, I always longed to be in Asia where I thought I would feel more at home and at least understand the language. Now that I’m here, I’m not sure if I really belong. Maybe I had a romanticized memory of what Taiwan was but after living here for only a month, I am starting to feel jaded already. I didn’t notice before that women here are not as independent and in charge as in the West. Many only dream of marrying rich and living their lives out as the perfect housewives, even if they went to good universities.  American Born or local Taiwanese men are content finding these said women because they are docile and simple. Well that is not who I am; I am not simple. I have ambition; I take pride in what I have built for myself career wise and bought for myself without the help of a man. I am (or was) secure with my eccentricities and my independence, but now living here has made me question the choices I have made and wonder if being this free is a detriment to my future.

I have seen a lot of the world (with means) at such a young age, but at what cost? I have chosen to move at least 3 times in one year and who knows how many more in the next 5 years. This means, being farther and farther away from family in the states, adjusting to language and cultural barriers, making new friends while keeping track of old ones and working with different coworkers. There are times where I feel so comfortable isolated in my apartment that I can’t imagine being with other people nevermind having people stay over. In those moments, I have to force myself to go out into the world for fear that I will become socially awkward. Other times I will crave the familiar and stay on Skype for hours or type out page long emails just to feel comfortable again in my own skin knowing that the people on the receiving end are those who truly know and accept me for who I am, no facade needed.

With my nomadic style in addition to my personality, I’m becoming increasingly worried as to how I will find a future mate. As hinted above, I am different from many of the girls here physically and mentally. My independence is something that I have always been proud of but it is also my Achilles’ heel in that it also drives people away. I guess my philosophy on love is that if you give your all to the other person and he eventually leaves you, you are only left with yourself. Therefore, you must put yourself above anyone else and the possibility of getting hurt will be slim to none.

We’ll see what the next 6 months bring. According to my fortune teller, next year will be better than this and I’m in store for a lot of changes. Maybe those changes will affect the way I view my life and contradict what I have posted, but until then I hope Taiwan doesn’t turn me into one of those girls who I detest.

Living each day under the motto 當自己不管你是多麼的不同.